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Life Update: Who’s Laughin’ Now?

Not in the sense of Jessie J’s song “Who’s Laughin’ Now”, which is a great song mind you and I love Jessie J, but more in the sense of Todd Howard’s little lobotomised gremlin tone.
“Who’s laughing now? …. Yes, I was in the chess club.”

Throughout the whole time, there have been big steps, small steps, back-steps and completely falling off; I am still struggling with mental health, we were all aware this was going to be the case. However, am I worse off? No.
I’m out here, on my own, struggling like everyone else, and leaving my nest was the best thing for me. I purchased my flat in 2022 (I believe, I forgot already) and slowly moved into it via sneaking huge shopping bags filled to the brim with my “stuff” to my flat over the course of about 5 months. Leaving my parents a note with full intent to completely cut them out of my life, and this book, with every single thing highlighted in there which I felt pertains to their behaviour. To this point, I have no idea if they even read it, nor do I want to ask, nor would they like to remember just how aggressively I tore away from the family.

Have I managed to achieve my goal of completely isolating myself from my family after 3 years? No.
I’ve got too much of a guilty conscience and always reply to them (eventually) when they text me. I spend days and nights just wishing for them to leave me alone, but all I can do is continue replying. Even with my grandmother, who’s recently had a lump taken out of her breast, had her whole breast removed then went through radiotherapy; I just wish they’d leave me alone. I love them; otherwise I genuinely wouldn’t reply, but even talking or thinking about them brings me back to a dark place I’d rather not return to.
Thinking back to what my counsellor said years before I purchased my flat, I do love them, but my love for them doesn’t matter when they won’t inspire the change they need to love me back the way I need it.
They’re not ready to change or don’t want to, and that’s not an environment I can survive in.

I was told by who, I thought, was a good friend of mine that if I moved out, I’d only become more miserable and wish that I hadn’t. I’d end up moving back in with my parents, and that in itself would be an awkward shambles which could’ve been avoided by me just not moving out. Am I still miserable? Technically, no.
I’m not miserable in the way I was before: I’m no longer suppressed by the life my parents had me lead. Stuck in a single room, with little space, even “littler” privacy, and even “littler” respect from both my parents and my little sister. I’m no longer feeling trapped and controlled, no longer comfortably idling through being emotionally neglected and mentally abused.

I am, however, more lonely in a way that I predict that I would’ve found out at some point if I would’ve stayed. Being alone has heightened all of my experiences and put it on the fast track. I’ve not had to experience debt, but the feeling of only having 1k in the bank is still enough to make my butt clench. I’ve had to deal with remortgaging, and god was that horrible. Likewise, I’ve witnessed my electricity bill go up and felt the sting of having to replenish my electricity more often through the winter.
Through this, it also opened up everything emotional about me. I feel terminally numb to emotion, yet at other times feel it so deeply. Regardless of whether I surround myself with friends, or I’m at a stage in life where I’m completely alone, I feel the same; empty and lonely. The issue is that I have no idea how to fix this as I’ve done what “normal” people do when lonely and gather friends, but it doesn’t seem to work for me, and it’s not like these are not meaningful friendships. These friendships fill me to the brim and I completely forget about everything- until they’re gone, out of sight or out of the voice call, the curtains drop and the loneliness drops in again.

My self-loathing is also getting the better of me again, hurting others as I put myself down when they genuinely care for me, and I’m still not able to take any compliments. I don’t know what the best approach to that is either; I have people who say that I’m “genuinely one of the nicest people they’ve ever met”, people who say “you are loved by us not because of what you can provide us but because you exist.” and my brain will immediately hear that and cast counter spell with “No.”. Something in my very being just can’t accept it, and the thing is that it doesn’t hurt me at all to say “no”; I just laugh, smile, shake my head like these people are ridiculous and get on with whatever I’m doing.
Also correlating with a lack of self-worth is my inability to get doctor’s appointments. I could make a lovely collage from friends currently and friends of the past telling me I need to see a doctor, and honestly, I’ve only just started going. Just for migraines at the moment, but it’s a step in the correct direction. I still need to get an official autism diagnosis, ADHD diagnosis, find out what’s irritating my ears, see if they’ll give me depression medication after being told I’d get medication for it in 2018, see if I need anxiety meds, figure out what’s wrong with my stomach… There’s a big list, and for some reason, the ones I’m most hesitant about are the ones that benefit me the most.
I promise I’ll get there.

If I’m just doing what I’m supposed to be doing, I’m not doing anything special, I’m just doing what needs to be done. There needn’t be praise for being less than exceptional. I’m being a standard, good-mannered person who treats people with respect, that shouldn’t be some achievement people are proud of, that should be just the baseline and what’s expected from everyone.

Oh, and for that one friend who told me that I’d be miserable if I moved out, I notice you’re not streaming any more, or creating your mental health podcasts, or writing anything on your website. I hope things are going well in your new flat after I forked out a lot of money to help you move, and that shit hasn’t hit the fan. I’ve started streaming again, and I’m sure you know this, as I raided someone who has ties back to you. I’ve not exactly got my motivation back, but I’ve certainly got the means to return to form; charity streams, constant streams… It’s still all just an idea, but I’ve got people worth streaming for and a community of people that don’t slander me behind my back.
I’m still creating Keymailer content, uploading more regularly to Youtube, editing content for another streamer and taking a sliver more pride in my work.
And I gotta ask one thing, are you miserable too? 

Also, I'm helping this little baby. -> https://www.twitch.tv/lannpaige

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[LEGACY] Astral Breakers

Astral Breakers is honestly a game that surprised me. While not being squeaky clean, no bugs, no issues, it’s certainly a game I enjoyed right to the end.
Actually, I am considering playing it on stream to showcase its highlights and lowlights.
This game is, genuinely, not bad. Anything that is bad about the game doesn’t make it unplayable, unlike some games.

There is, however, a lack of a tutorial, you find this out on your own when you have no clue what you’re doing, and you exit the campaign to look at the controls. As for the side character, the annoying star, you just skip the whole conversation because who really needs to know the story, right?
And if there’s no save… Find an hour and try to speedrun it, I guess.
This game is not worth its full price, but even a small discount would be good enough for you to pick up the game and enjoy this little bubble pop game.

Pros:

  • The music fits the theme of the game, not too loud or annoying.
  • Nice clean game visually.
  • I got to pick which star sign I started as. (Which I’m sure is completely irrelevant to the actual gameplay.)
  • The game plays smooth enough, and playing against the computer does get harder as you progress.

Cons:

  • The stupid little star thing is annoying as heck, I know it’s just the cut-scenes, but I skipped all the skippable ones after maybe two levels.
  • Apparently, there is no save mechanic. I played the game for 0.7 hours and got from start to finish. I know there are people who don’t have enough time for that, so it sucks you can’t save your progress in the campaign.
  • There is no tutorial. You’d think you wouldn’t need one! I was joining colours up all happy until I noticed I had a stack of 10 of the same colour and was wondering why it wasn’t popping. Apparently, when the flashy bubbles appear, you have to press Enter to turn them supernova, so they fill the other side with balls.

Price: £3.99
Time To Complete: N/A
Achievements: None
Cards: No
Worth The Money: Yes, play it again and again.

Conclusion: Not quite cheap enough as I got through the game pretty quickly, I’d recommend buying when on sale but even a 25% sale would be good enough. It took about an hour for me to complete, which was probably because I had to restart it once due to the game not having a save feature.
If you’re into match 3 games and are interested in giving a new one a try that has a slightly different playstyle, give this a go.

Zesty Rating
5 Out of 10

A game with an unexpected allure and purpose. It might not claim the top spot, but it carves out its own distinctive niche, offering a refreshing burst of vitality and vibrancy in an otherwise lacklustre gaming arena.

Please bear in mind that this is a repost. There have been slight changes to the post such as spelling and grammar fixes, images added, and things generally organised in the fashion I'd like them presented.  Apart from that, the main context of the review has not changed, opinion has not been altered and everything is sacred. I look forward to writing for you all again.
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When Destruction Leads to Creation: Navigating Relationships and Setting Boundaries

When does destruction equal creation?
When is it necessary to destroy something to pave the way for something new?
And does that change when it’s regarding relationships, be it romantic or friends?

Food becomes spoiled, and can be used to turn into compost, which helps new plants to grow. Similarly to when the Native Americans would burn land, it would not only prevent forest fires from spreading, but burnt land can not only make way for more area to plant new things, but return minerals to the earth.
People who know how to do this, do it from experience, or from the knowledge passed down by others.

But when there’s no one around with experience, or the knowledge; passed down or not, who has the responsibility to do it?

Do you just do it and hope for the best?
Or do you wait until it’s apparent you need to act, by then it also may be too late?

Doing it too hastily, or without the proper know-how, could result in unnecessary destruction, or irreparable damage.

But if you do it immediately, and it pays off… well, it pays off, doesn’t it? You get your pat on the back and a “Well done! Good job!” and some pretty good recognition for both your quick-thinking and apparent knack for something you know fuck-all about. “You’ve saved this state of America by burning this particular part of the land, making it so that when there is a forest fire, it won’t be able to spread to the next area. Not only that, but you’ve opened up a new area of land for us to farm, and the burnt area has released a whole-lot more minerals back into the soil!”
I’m not actually aware if the whole mineral thing is accurate, I know this information by word of mouth or fragmented memory of previous research, but it serves my analogy well.

That’s only if you do the correct thing by acting immediately despite your lack of knowledge. So, say you chicken-out and do nothing. Completely fair, right? You know absolutely nothing about preventing forest fires, or at least you’ve not been taught specifically, or you’re not part of the ‘Anti-Forest Fire Crew’ whose responsibility it is to do this.
And, you leave it. Let it go, it’s definitely not your responsibility at all. It’s the Team’s responsibility. Have they seen this issue? Do they have suspicions that this issue is indeed an issue? Do they not suspect it at all? Not your issue, it’s theirs. After all, your concerns are unimportant and unprofessional, you’re untrained, and you know nothing about the job, that is why you are not on the Team. What do you know? Why should they even listen to you?

The fire starts later, when you are out of the picture, and it spreads. The Team who knows nothing about this area, where the fire will spread, will only know about this until it’s too late. The entire forest will be set ablaze before they know, and by the time they act upon it, they’ll be doing recovery measures, not preventative or defensive measures.

So what happens when it’s human relationships?

You have a friend who is the equivalent of this fire, or risk of spread, that needs pruning.

This friend, you’ve been friends with for at least a year or thereabouts, and you’ve been through ups and downs with them. There’s been changes in behaviour due to real-life and online struggles, both to do with relationships, both real and fictional. From this point, this person has become more and more obsessive or pointing out other people’s flaws, weaknesses and downfalls; further pushing them down by heightening their progress, successes, and general good feelings.

At first, this change in attitude is not alarming, you either lack the experience or fail to see the underlying side effects of this new behaviour. This person seems ambitious, and it’s empowering, at times it seems a little too much, but you can attribute it to a healthy overdose of just how badly this person wants to succeed; you root for them.

The nature of humans, is to gossip, and despite it having bad routes, not all gossip is bad or harmful. It can, however, be an indicator when things are getting bad if we look at quality, quantity, and frequency.
The smell of smoke in the forest is not a common smell, but that doesn’t always mean that it’s danger. Depending on smell, location, and intensity of smell and sight of smoke; it could be nothing but a campfire been made to cook some food.
The same can be said for gossip, sometimes it’s just food for thought, a probing question, a warning about a specific person that would do well to be heeded, or just something of general interest. This healthy gossip is usually centralised in a specific area that the receiver has interest in, or around a person of note, interest or can prove a danger to the listener.

I fucking love A.I. sometimes. Look at this woman’s forehead.

When the gossip starts to become about everyone and everything, it should start to become a little more concerning, especially if everything is negative. “Hey, I caught this guy getting into trouble for this, guys, look, look, I have the screenshots.” Especially if this ‘guy’ means nothing to you, and the main interest of the friend is just to garner shock or drama just for the fun of it, or for more attention. Essentially reducing themselves to no better than a YouTube Creator with clickbait titles/thumbnails to draw attention.

So, you have yourself a really gossip-y friend who finds any excuse to put others down in your eyes, who is super ambitious, and lightly gloats about any successes or good days they have. You’ve witnessed red flags, but is there anything you can do here? Do you need to do anything here? Both inexperience and indecision will more than likely lead to nothing being done, that, or your judgement over the situation will deem that it’s “just not that big of a deal”.

The problem is, is that gossip is usually something that the source of the gossip, the subject, would usually prefer that the information remained in their close circle. This person, or people, would be blissfully unaware they were being talked about to such an extent. When this information, however, not only has someone being gossiped about in a damaging manner but is also a result of a company that has their employees swear not to share this information, it becomes a lot more concerning. Of course, at first, this information can be entertaining; scandal is one of the bestsellers, but at what part is it your responsibility to either halt your friend’s unethical behaviour? Is it your place? Do you have the know-how to identify the issues before or as they arise, or do you have the knowledge to stop the behaviour when it reaches dangerous levels? Or, will you have to just sweep up the ashes of a fire that could’ve been prevented?

You have the unfortunate dilemma of a friend of yours, doing something wrong, in an unappealing mindset, and is quite emotionally fragile as well. Leaving it to simmer down may have the desired result, but could also have the complete opposite; almost showing that behaviour acceptance.
You have maybe spoken to this friend about their behaviour, and they’ve either become apologetic (yet continue the behaviour) or become strongly defensive, or both. You let it simmer time and time over, hoping each time that they give you an “it’s just a bad day” or “family issues are getting to me” or “work is really fucking me over”, to a point where one of you has to say something. At first, it’s caring, you love this friend, and you want them to get better on their own; a gentle little handhold or a gentle little shove should get them in the correct direction. It happens again, and you realise that it’s not the best approach, so you try to be a bit more stern and it seems to work. They appear to be self-reflecting a lot more and – ah… shit… They’re back to their old ways immediately.

It takes not you, but someone else, a new friend who is under less influence of your friend, to come out and put their foot down. But as said before, it’s too late. Due to it not being you, the best friend, and someone that this friend would now see as an interloper; it has been interpreted as an insult. The fire has been put out, but there’s been a lot of unseen damage.
This person is now no longer talking to you, only talking to you if they feel like they have to, and gives of a reluctant vibe or tone in every instance of conversation. No verbal or text conversation ends well, most don’t even end “okay”.

It’s safe to say that despite your efforts, you acted too late; the damage has been done.
Despite your effort to quench the fire when you saw it, it had already reached terminal velocity, or whatever you’d call that in forest fire terms. You saved the surrounding space with the help of your friends, but it cost you a few burns, maybe a few bad ones, and even some property damage. It’ll scar, and you’ll have to replace what you lost, but the damage to what was already done is irreparable.
That’s where I’m currently at just now.
Picking up the pieces, looking around for things that may not be too damaged, and currently taking care of myself and making sure others are alright.

In human relationships, intervening early can prevent a lot of harm. If gossip becomes damaging or breaches confidences, it’s crucial to address it. It may be uncomfortable, but letting it simmer can lead to worse outcomes.

This scenario can strain your friendship, leaving you to pick up the pieces and deal with the aftermath. The lesson here is to recognize and act on the signs early. Addressing issues in a timely manner, even if uncomfortable, can prevent larger problems later on.

There will ALWAYS be times when acting early is the wrong thing, but at this point; you can say you tried at least.

It’s too late for me to use this now, for my situation, but here is some good advice I found on this subject while writing this piece.

Communicate Early and Honestly: Address concerns as soon as they arise. Honest communication can prevent misunderstandings and escalation.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to prevent negative behaviour from affecting your relationship.
Seek Support: If you’re unsure how to handle the situation, seek advice from trusted friends or professionals.
Focus on Solutions: Instead of just pointing out concerns, work with your friend to find constructive solutions.
Be Compassionate: Understand that your friend may be going through their struggles. Approach the situation with empathy.

However, if none of this is being heeded, or working in your favour; remember to prioritise your mental health. Accept your limits not only on how much you can control the situation, but how much you can control yourself and your general “bullshit meter” limit of just how much you can take.

In Conclusion

Managing difficult relationships requires recognizing and responding to early warning signs. Setting boundaries, seeking support and focusing on solutions are key strategies. When these efforts don’t work, it’s important to protect your mental health. It may be necessary to distance yourself or end the relationship if boundaries are crossed or your friend is unresponsive. Relationships that support and uplift you are what you deserve. By taking proactive steps and prioritizing your mental health, you can manage relationship issues effectively and prevent long-term harm.

Here are some websites I used (and am currently using):
https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/
https://verywellmindset.com/how-to-set-boundaries-with-toxic-friends/
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-set-boundaries-with-friends-7503205
https://mentalhealthhotline.org/boundaries-prioritizing-your-wellness/
https://health.ucdavis.edu/blog/cultivating-health/how-to-set-boundaries-and-why-it-matters-for-your-mental-health/2024/03
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/setting-boundaries/
https://serenehealth.com/why-creating-boundaries-in-friendships-is-essential-for-your-mental-health/

Basically… Don’t Ignore Your Friend Being A Dick.

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Going MIA. (Again and again and again and…)

Well, hello there,
It’s your old pal or nemesis Jinx, and I’ve come here to say… Sorry for going MIA.

This is not a new thing for me, as it happens fairly regularly, but if you’re new to all of this I can give you a little run-down.

I have ADHD and I also have ASD. Both of these things affect me in different ways, and my ADHD is unmedicated, so we have a lot of fun with that.
The ADHD means that I pick up new things and obsess over them until I burn out on it, and start the vicious cycle again with something new. My ASD then picks that up and beats the shit out of my self-conscious for abandoning something. It makes me continue to think about it for as long as eternity until I double burn out from guilt or drag myself to doing it again.

This is happening right now for a few things:
– My job.
– Certain friends.
– My Twitch
– My website.

I am not done with any of these things, and never will. This website is like… I would’ve said a baby, but if it was, then social services aren’t doing their fucking job. It’s a passion project, just like my Twitch, and I am all out of passion right now.
People who know me, and have already read my old posts on the ShineyCat website, would know that the ones that were posted every week are things that I wrote a year ago. All of it being reposted here.
This is because I lost my passion for it, but also because I’ve not been playing anything new as of late.
On the other hand, I have been playing the absolute shit out of Project Zomboid, on a role-play server called Wasteland Roleplay. This is content I would’ve streamed if it weren’t for some copyrighted music being used by a boombox mod. I have been playing this, day in, day out. I genuinely love the community and the roleplay that Project Zomboid can potentially bring.

On another note, I’ve been going through quite a lot of relationship drama, as usual.
To the point where I had to block someone on all their social accounts as they kept trying to contact me, this lead to them coming to my flat, uninvited. Where they knocked, rung my bell and cried, begged and yelled at me through my letterbox. This situation led me to have a panic attack the entire time they were there. They eventually left after kicking my door. It just goes to show, as much as you love someone, or think you know them, people are capable of doing shit you’d never thought they’d do.

And I went to London. The Scottish bitch went to London, and apparently I was walking about Hackney. I got told off for that when I got back, my co-worker (BR) had apparently been stalking me on Snapchat maps.
Why was I there? London Comicon. Your bitch went to fucking London Comicon and got her picture taken with Samantha Béart. I tried to get my Baldur’s Gate 3 shirt signed as well, but no dice, the line was way to fucking long, and I was only there for the Friday.

It was a shame, but I got a picture with the gorgeous She/Slay Queen Karlach actress, and I couldn’t be more happy with that. Even if she did get distracted talking to me by someone in full Karlach cosplay walking in, don’t worry, next time I’ll be fucking ripped and cosplaying like a fucking god.

Finally, I have still been around. Anyone wanting to contact me can still do so, and I still answer, it’s just that my head is fucking busy doing nothing right now.
And if you’re an avid watcher of TheShmilkyWay, then you’ll hear my stupid ass every Wednesday. If you’re not, then what the fuck are you doing? Follow TheShmilkyWay for fuck’ sake, great content.

Proof I’m not Dead and playing with them:

I hope to write again soon, and not just another apology,
Talk to y’all later.
Jinx out!

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[LEGACY] Nightmare Never End

You wake up in your room and realize that something is very wrong. You’ve been tasked to review another horror indie game, and it already looks as if you’re going to be crying in frustration more than you are in fear.

In the last (or maybe first) review that you saw of mine, in the very first paragraph I mentioned the shovelware that has plagued Steam since Steam Greenlight was taken from us and “anything goes”. Well, here is your first example.

NMNE is a “horror” game, which in itself is correct. Any game which has the purpose of trying to scare you is indeed a horror game, but it spectacularly fails at doing so. Even trying to cut the game some slack by looking at horror sub-genres still greatly fails.

Survival horror? Yes, but either easily survivable or pure luck (based on unpredictable A.I. patterns and wall phasing).
Action Horror? Nah, not really.
Psychological Horror? It wishes, or at least it’s trying to be. It’s one of the many games where the protagonist is stuck in a coma, and it tries so hard to create this sense of dread but is entirely ruined by the next part.
Jump-Scare Horror. Which is badly done. Scares with no rhyme or rhythm. One of which, after being “scared” once, I know exactly what triggers the scare, which I then demonstrated that I knew as I had to replay the game when I got stuck.

There is no finer detail to this game. Every story aspect serves itself as it is, and it is what it is.

Pros: 

  • The game works as a game (most of the time)
  • Has grab and move physics
  • Actually made me jump (once)
  • I’m a sucker for trippy visualisations. Eyeballs coming out the walls, floating teacups, fleshy meatballs I need to stack into a bathtub? Love all that weird shit.
  • The game has a beatable threat (most of the game) but doesn’t seem too unrealistic to beat or not beat, reasonably easy.
  • You know exactly what you’re doing every time you’re faced with a “challenge” or scenario. Very self-explanatory, even though that’s probably just down to the game’s simplicity.
  • When you die, you get sent back to the last stage or beginning of the stage you’re on. Very unlike most trash indie games.

Cons:

  • I actually got stuck in the game twice, one was due to the lighting being terrible in a particular area that I couldn’t see the “solution” to the “puzzle”. The other was to do with bad A.I.
  • Grab and move physics are almost overused, to the point where I need to make bathtub meatballs a SECOND time in the game. I love weird shit but WHY. The lack of other mechanics and odd tropes hammers this almost-overuse in.
  • The game is not scary, honestly. The one scare that got me was because a bat flew into my face as I went around a corner. I didn’t even jump that much, but THAT was a proper jumpscare. The rest of which was The Rake, but like Shadowman squished up behind a door going *BSSHHHHHT* *Static Noises And Static Visual Effects*. I’m scarier behind a door making those noises.
  • The last thing that I came face to face with (whether it was the end of the game or not) was biscuit collecting??? Every time I collected a biscuit, noises, and sounds were added, enemies with AWFUL PATHING were added and it eventually killed me. Unlike the rest of the game, it did not revert me to the previous stage, it bugged and game over’d me. At this point, I’d already restarted it once, so…

Overall, this game is not great. If you want to be scared, this is not it. It seems like a first attempt at a game with minimal assets and minimal effort or people who seem to kind of know what they’re doing but don’t know how to pull shit together.

But, this is not their first game, nor their first horror rodeo. AK Studio, the publisher, and developer of this game, has made 5 games before this going back to 2019. Albeit, one of them not being horror but a Crossy Roads clone, by the look of it.

While practise is patience and practise improves things, you have to pay $100 (I believe, feel free to correct me) to publish a game on Steam. While it is completely free to publish a game on Itch.io or Game Jolt, GOG, or Gamers Gate.

I’m not saying, “TAKE YOUR TRASH AND PUT IT ELSEWHERE.” It is a better business prospect for games like this, where you can get traction and feedback without having to pay out your ass just to see if people will buy your game.

Even so, despite traction and everything, you can even have someone famous review or play your games. One of their previous games, “Ghost Stories” was obviously seen by someone quite famous on Twitch as on Nov 12th 2020 the view of the game on Twitch spiked to 4.7k. Despite that, and despite all the LOL GAME BAD = GOOD REVIEW that came from it, not much else came from it. Obviously, enough money to try it again, but it lucked out, and it probably won’t happen again.

The reason I’ve spotlighted this game in particular is for one reason. If rubbish is highlighted and praised for its stupidity, you can fool anyone into thinking that the market is successful and a feasible means of making money.

Price: £7.19
Time To Complete: N/A
Achievements: None
Cards: No
Worth The Money: Yes, play it again and again.

This game’s base price is £3.99, discounted right now at £3.19. That’s not a steal, and I doubt there will be a price suitable for the “content” that it brings. If you can get this for free, good on you, but I have no clue why you want it. Jinx from the present day here, this is ridiculous. I’m checking right now if they’ve made any updates since on this game because the base price has been raised from £3.99 to £7.19 as of a couple of days ago. Yeah, just as I thought. No official updates of patches since release in December 2021. I’m not altering the rating or anything to suit, just thought I’d chime in on this somewhere.

Zesty rating
1 Out Of 10.

A badly made, badly crafted excuse of a semi-psychological, shitty jumpscare “horror” game where discount RakeXShadowman squeezes into the most unscary, ridiculous places to scare you and defies physics just to be intimidating. 

Please bear in mind that this is a repost. There have been slight changes to the post such as spelling and grammar fixes, images added, and things generally organised in the fashion I'd like them presented.  Apart from that, the main context of the review has not changed, opinion has not been altered and everything is sacred. I look forward to writing for you all again.
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[LEGACY] Thrive

We’ll start off by saying that I was excited about Thrive, as I’ve played Spore. It’s the part of Spore where you crash-land into the sea inside a big meteorite and gobble up all the stuff you need to evolve, adding more on as you go.
This game is that exact part from spore, but more complicated, more complex.

Again, you start off a tiny cell doing a wiggle-swiggle around the sea, but instead of particulates being picked up you’re sucking up glucose, ammonia, and phosphate. Glucose acts as your primary food source and energy source (so if you can’t find that you’re fucked), whereas ammonia and phosphate are your progress devices, the more you collect of those the quicker you fill your evolution metre.
From there you add different parts to your tiny little cell body, some are just cells, but others have more precise functions like Metabolosomes and Chemosythesizing Proteins… nah I’m too dumb for that stuff.

So, what do you do in the game? Thrive. Haha, yeah but what else? Nope, that’s merely it.

I only played it for what I can say is a “little while” on my stream while making my review, and it’s safe to say it’s not the most entertaining game to play, but also for others to watch. So I continued to play it off-stream to no avail. I couldn’t get a whole lot further than what I had initially, but slowly came to the realisation that “I have to play this game for a lot longer and grind it right out to even noticeably progress, don’t I?”
Yes, that was the case. That, for me, is a huge game-killer. When you noticeably have to put many hours just to get the ball rolling in a game, is it really okay? When the game punishes you for taking a step further than what is expected of you? Especially when all there is to the game is swimming around, gobbling up things and becoming bigger.

Pros:

  • The game functions as a game.
  • Takes the cellular floaty and collect things to upgrade yourself (part of Spore(in brackets as idk where it came from first)) and expands on it, pushing it further.
  • Goes in depth with a more science-y approach, adding more accurate names and processes to evolving and upgrading your lifeform.
  • The upgrade, item, and travel menu is clear and easy to read. It could’ve been so user unfriendly considering the amount of information they’re trying to put across.

Cons:

  • Despite being a lot more complex than the original concepts of this style of game, it still feels empty. I think the original premise (that I’d found in Spore, among other games) was better due to the promise of actual evolution. Within Thrive you just get bigger and bigger and more complex, while that in itself if a fun part about it, that’s really just about it. It’s about getting the best out of what stage you’re in, but not progressing any further than that.
  • Even though the game has numerous pointers and plenty of little pop-ups that show you at the start what things do and how the game works… I still can’t help but feel a little lost even into an hour of playing. I know what I’m doing, yet still feel lost.
  • The game overall, while a good concept, is just incredibly boring. Not much to say about it. The only real danger you have is dying because you can’t find any glucose. I have found other organisms in the water that I’ve had to fight, but honestly, you’re more likely to die from “starvation”.
  • Following the above comment. I do know how the game works, different areas have less of different things that you can eat and need to survive. I know that if I go into a stage unprepared, then there will be a higher chance of me dying, sure. But when I go into the next stage up, and I’m wandering around (in the one direction the first time) for the best half of 2 minutes. In those 2 minutes I find absolutely nothing with no clue as to why I’m not finding anything or where it could be, and die. It’s not really compelling me to play the game for any longer.

Overall, this game is for someone who can do the same thing over and over again, with the same kind of background, same motions but with slight variations. It’s a game that will take a lot of time and a lot of patience, and is really only for someone who enthuses about microorganism evolution and progression.
It’s honestly not for me, not really worth my time and genuinely looked a lot more enjoyable in the trailer than what it was playing it or watching it via a stream.

In addition, please note that this game is currently in Early Access and seems to be one of those games that will be an EA (not that EA) game for a while. This is (hopefully) not due to this being a shovelware game, and because, as the devs state, it is a volunteer project. It is also apparently free elsewhere, whereas on Steam it’s paid for.

Price: £3.99, but free elsewhere.
Time To Complete: N/A
Achievements: None
Cards: No
Worth The Money: Honestly, no. But it seems (like Unturned) this is a pay to support the dev type deal. If you’re interested in this game, find where it’s free and help these devs perfect their long-term project.

Zesty Rating
4.5 Out Of 10.



A game premise I was genuinely keen to see if taking one point of another game and honing in on it worked again. This time it fails. Bland, slow and unrewarding, similar to how life is going for us right now. Too much work and effort for so little outcome and nothing to show for it.

Please bear in mind that this is a repost. There have been slight changes to the post such as spelling and grammar fixes, images added, and things generally organised in the fashion I'd like them presented.  Apart from that, the main context of the review has not changed, opinion has not been altered and everything is sacred. I look forward to writing for you all again.
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[LEGACY] Acorn Assault: Rodent Revolution

Acorn Assault: Rodent Revolution is where Plants Vs Zombies meets a Match 3 game.

There is not really a lot to complain about the game, despite the number of cons I will inevitably put at the end of this review. Most of them are because the game is a little price-y for only having 25 pretty short levels, which I’m sure scale in difficulty. It’s more or less nitpicking after the whole price check complaint.

The game is simple. You are squirrels and the enemies are squirrels. The premise of the plot is really just a “The Squirrels Are Playing Human Roles; Therefore It’s A Rodent Revolution”. Place your pieces, they fire. The enemy place their pieces, they fire. Place three of the same type of piece in a particular pattern, and they evolve into a bigger, more beefy or lethal piece. It honestly Plants vs Chess vs Match 3 and is actually great for what it is… But that’s all that it is.

If this was a mini-game in a larger game, then it would definitely have me head over heels for the game. Alas, it is not, so I would recommend to thee that thee fair gamers wait until thy game has been taken down a notch in terms of coppers, before picking this game up.

Pros:

  • The game works and does not crash or have any bugs or graphical glitches.
  • All music suits the theme and does not disrupt from the lore or the game itself, everything is suitable.
  • Some aspects of the story are genuinely entertaining and funny at times, watching squirrels quarrel about trivial manners is really ridiculous.
  • The unique take on the plants vs zombies vs chess vs match 3 fighting is actually rather refreshing. It’s almost nostalgic as it reminds me of an old game that I used to play, that I don’t have mind the name of.
  • The game genuinely does not look bad at all. They are very obviously 3D models of squirrels, no realism here, but it doesn’t hurt your eyes or soul to look at, which is something I can say has happened to me before.

Cons:

  • While refreshing, the plants vs zombies style battling is the only thing that happens. There is dialogue between battles, but that’s it. There are 25 levels of this which progressively gets harder, but that’s not worth the full price in my opinion.
  • The squirrels have just about the same dialogue every time. I’ve only made if halfway through, but Cortex is really fixed on capturing the bandicoot.
  • It teaches you early on that combining three squirrels makes a bigger and better squirrel, but it didn’t give you a little nudge for you to find that these big squirrels can combine into an even bigger squirrel. Maybe it’s expected, but my dumb face could’ve done with knowing it a little sooner.
  • There’s also no way of preventing your squirrels from becoming blue eyes white dragon, perhaps I want a nice row of them, to block the incoming bullets.

Price: £7.19
Time To Complete: N/A
Achievements: None
Cards: Yes
Worth The Money: Only When On Sale

In conclusion, it’s not the best game to ever surface upon Steam, especially for the price that is being asked of it. However, when it’s on sale, it’s a brilliant game to buy and play. An hour’s worth of playing in 5 levels, with about 25 levels in total. If you love puzzles, and match 3 stuff, then you can probably get a good number of hours out of this game.

Zesty Rating
5 Out Of 10
A decent jab at combining elements of Match 3 and Plants Vs Zombies. Squirrels take on the affairs of humans and battle it out in cute little uniforms. Not a horrible game, and has good puzzles, but not amazing.

Please bear in mind that this is a repost. There have been slight changes to the post such as spelling and grammar fixes, images added, and things generally organised in the fashion I'd like them presented.  Apart from that, the main context of the review has not changed, opinion has not been altered and everything is sacred. I look forward to writing for you all again.
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[LEGACY] Shape Shift Shaun Episode 1: Tale of the Transmogrified

When strolling through Keymailer, I often look for games I know I can play. This also means that the selection of games that I get can sometimes be rather underwhelming, or just plain shit.
The ease of getting and reviewing bad games has got me this far, being not just a smaller streamer than most, but also relatively newer to streaming, less professional and less social media savvy.
I can now just about get any game I ask for off Keymailer, assuming that it is indie, and it’s cheap enough made. So, when I saw Shape Shift Shaun, this was another game that I could easily get and play. Plus, it’s easy to make a review for a game when everything is so bad that it sticks out like a broken pinkie.

Shape Shift Shaun Episode 1: Tale of the Transmogrified, is a mouthful to say, SSSE1:TT is also ridiculous and the first gripe I have with the game is the length of the title of the game. Why does that need to be the full title? I get that you probably want to make more games in the future, but it all doesn’t need to be in the title.
Nevertheless, I’ll stop bitching about things that don’t really matter all that much.

Shape Shift Shaun is a game where you get bullied at Hallowe’en after you get a bunch of candy, then thrown down a crater that was made by a falling meteor by the bully. You and the bully are now trapped in the centre of the earth, which is reminiscent of the setup of Journey To The Centre Of The Earth or Ice Age 3: Dawn Of The Dinosaur. Inside this area, the Bully, and Shaun freak out as there’s “no food” despite only being there for like 3 minutes, which is hardly enough time to look around for food. The Bully threatens to eat Shaun’s candy, but the candy has been dropped all over the inner planet. After threatening to then eat Shaun, the Bully then eats a little red Soot Sprite that can talk and transforms into a mega-chad bully and goes on a rampage to eat more of them. Using the power of more little red soot sprites, Shaun turns into a dragon and goes on a quest to capture the Bully.

I have no idea whether this is a game for kids or not.
It’s really hard to tell.
It’s a basic platformer where you can run and jump, and you collect candy for points. You can also change into a red dragon at any time during the game to then glide and breathe fire on the enemies, effectively killing them. You also breathe fire on a multitude of obstacles to get them out of the way and progress with the level.
All the controls, bar a few, seem relatively alright and make sense concerning the global platforming controls. The only thing I didn’t like was the controls for switching forms and attacking enemies. They were close to each other and on a side of the keyboard that didn’t make sense to me. This often led me to change forms when I wanted to attack enemies.

The story itself goes on further than that, hinting towards being able to change into multiple things, but I just didn’t get that far. Despite actually feeling quite fluid and easy to control, the enemy placement and the placement of platforms, on the other hand, had me at a complete loss. Only being able to get close to the end of the level out of memory, makes me think that either it’s not a kids game, or it’s just a bad one.

Pros:

  • The game works, has no massive graphical or audio issues/glitches, and does not crash upon load or during the game.
  • Even though it’s not an old game, it has that old, cheap looking aesthetic of older games with the weird moving 3D character models in a 2D game. I hold this as a positive as it’s not entirely ugly, but certainly holds that old-world charm.
  • Everything is clear and self-explanatory, absolutely no guess-work is required to complete this game. Everything is spelt out clear as day and objectives made clear.
  • Most of the controls are the universal norm for most platformers.

Cons:

  • The story is boring, rather drab and a little ridiculous at best. Clearly overexaggerated for the comedy value. The Bully freaking out the tiny red creature talks then promptly eating it seems a little unusual.
  • The controls that are not the universal norm for platforming are very strange. It essentially has you reaching round the keyboard, but also accidentally smacking the wrong one. Despite being relatively easy otherwise, this part of the controls raises the difficulty immensely for no reason.
  • As the controls for platforming are almost perfect, the game had to fail elsewhere. This is where game design came in. The platforms are arranged so strangely that one small move can have you falling off the edge of a platform, despite the image of the platform still being under your feet. You also have to remember exactly where things are, as you can be jumping off a platform at the far right of your screen not knowing where the next platform is.
    Enemy placement as well is a tragedy. Three long and wide purple blob creatures on a tiny platform that I not only need to land on but also destroy the vines AND kill them and progress.

Price: £5.79
Time To Complete: N/A
Achievements: 15
Cards: No
Worth The Money: Nah, not really.

In conclusion, I’m still not really even sure whether this game is a kids game or not. It’s genuinely bland enough in the story department but colourful enough and revolves around sweets. It’s also easy to grasp, apart from the odd controls for switching forms and attacking. It’s a really mixed bag in terms of a game, but my audience absolutely hated it, they could’ve hated how it looked more than me. Overall, the game isn’t that bad, it’s just not really worth the money it wants as while it probably has the content and time/effort put into it for a £5.79 game, it’s just not fun.

Zesty Rating
3 Out Of 10
A boring and bland story paired with a colourful but ugly game. Lovely controlling of the platforming and has everything a platformer needs, except for a good game design. Dodgy platforms, terrible map planning and even worse enemy placement.

Please bear in mind that this is a repost. There have been slight changes to the post such as spelling and grammar fixes, images added, and things generally organised in the fashion I'd like them presented.  Apart from that, the main context of the review has not changed, opinion has not been altered and everything is sacred. I look forward to writing for you all again.
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[LEGACY] Receiver 2

I first went into Receiver 2 thinking that this was a first-person shooter game like any other, I was wrong. I’d read the blurb on how it teaches you vaguely how a vast array of guns work, in the most “This Does Not Qualify As Actual Gun Training” way as possible, but still thinking it was a progressive game.

I was also wrong.

You start off by getting this pistol, which it tells you how to fire and such in a tutorial area that’s in the construction site of a city. You’re facing off against robot turrets that have a line of sight you can see via the light it shines to see you. The light is blue when it can’t see you and promptly changes you yellow and starts firing at you when it can. Simple.
After the tutorial area, you’re then further up in a series of buildings full of machine gun turrets, learning how to use the next gun, killing more machine gun turrets, and finding cassette tapes.

From here on, the game is samey, samey, samey. You get to the end of the level, you restart in a different area with a different gun. You get to the end of the level again, restart again with another different gun, more robotic turrets, blah, blah blah.
There is nothing more to this game than restarting in the same building with a different gun each time, I got through about 5 guns until I’d had enough. I’ve actually got to in a point in this review where I’m uncertain if I’ve said the same thing over and over because that’s all there is. Nothing actually… happens…

Pros:

  • The game works, not graphical issues or game breaking bugs.
  • The game feels soooo sleek and smooth, everything about the game feels fluid and responsive, and is precisely what I’d love from a first person Hitman game.
  • The setting (while the same one every single time) is 100% spot on. Everything is believable in an abandoned office building, a work in progress. It’s not a forced scene and sets a really great atmosphere.
  • The actual implementation of learning how to use different guns and them all being finicky and different was appealing. Especially when I reset once and didn’t realise that I was using a different gun, as it looked vaguely the same until I had to reload it, and it was missing one chamber.
  • It gives a sense of infinite possibility to how you can approach how to finish the “level”. Walk down any corridor, up any stairs, and shoot the turrets from any angle.

Cons:

  • While the game works sleekly, and smoothly, it does have a few weird controls for a keyboard. More akin to a console controller. Like for sprinting, you need to ferociously tap the “W” key to start sprinting, and you need to keep it up to keep sprinting. Each action for the gun, firing, reloading, emptying the chamber, opening the chamber, have all separate keys on the keyboard, which makes for a “I need to look at my fingers” moment nearly every time. Not only that, but having to forget all of that for the next gun you use on the next level.
  • The setting is the same at every level, and not in a Groundhog Day way. You get to the top of the level each time and then suddenly appear back downstairs again with a different gun. The story I uncovered within does nothing to really explain why I’m here, but I know who I am. Despite being a well polished and believable building, seeing it for the 5th time was enough to know I would rather not see it again.
  • While I loved the intricacy of using different guns, the learning of it felt clunky and somewhat forced. It lacked the situational learning that you have in most other FPS games where when the player picks up new guns it slowly lets them learn everything. In this, you’re just handed the gun and multiple controls that you’re given to remember and gives you no repetitive learning time. But at the same time, the whole game is learning time, and you don’t feel as if it’s an actual game.
  • As much as I love the whole “telling the story through the tapes and notes” feature, it becomes semi-irrelevant if you can just miss them. This was something I thought about Amnesia as well until I realised that despite seeming like an open game, it wasn’t. This game, however, is very much open, and it’s easy to miss some notes and tapes. I didn’t feel as though I were getting the full story or experience. They’d do better with the Superliminal approach of areas you have to walk through which have the story in them.

Price: £15.49
Time To Complete: 7.5 hours
Achievements: 34
Cards: 5
Worth The Money: Not At All

Overall, there is not a game for me, to the point where I wouldn’t really consider it a game. It’s a simulation (as it’s advertised) but not as much of a game as it feels it is. It’s super polished and is really intuitive to play, and honestly feels like something I’d enjoy playing if the environment/world I was in was enjoyable. It has that high levels of “I am more in control of this character than other games allow me to be” but gave me nothing to do with it. Honestly, it’s not something I can recommend to most of my friends, as they would all get bored with it much quicker than I did.
For a gun nerd who doesn’t give a shit about a story or being entertained by changing aspects of the game, this is for you.

Zesty Rating
3.5 Out Of 10
It’s got the glitz, and it’s got the glamour, but it’s got as much weight as an inflatable hammer. An empty simulation game which gives you the story in miss-able drips and drabs, and really drags when all you do is train, again and again. I apparently felt like rhyming because the itchy trigger finger sends my frustration climbing.

Please bear in mind that this is a repost. There have been slight changes to the post such as spelling and grammar fixes, images added, and things generally organised in the fashion I'd like them presented.  Apart from that, the main context of the review has not changed, opinion has not been altered and everything is sacred. I look forward to writing for you all again.

NOTE: This game is flagged as “Retry”.
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[LEGACY] 9 Balls

9 Balls is indeed a billiards game, what happens when it is 8 balls instead?

This is the question I asked when I opened the title screen and instead of “play”, “options” and “exit” I was met with “8 balls” and “9 balls”.
Now this isn’t relevant, obviously, but it was a lingering question. Why call it 9 balls when you have an 8 balls game too?

This is a shadow of a billiards game, it is essentially the “typing on an Xbox/PlayStation console without one of those little keyboard add-ons” version of billiards. Everything is so slow, clunky, and unintuitive.
Instead of the cue being able to swing around freely as you’d position yourself around the billiard table, you have to pull, pull, pull, pull the cue round to where you want it to face. It’s clunky, and it’s sticky, and quite frankly, virtually unplayable.

On the other hand, the ball physics are to die for *sarcasm*. Whether you feel a bit more stricken when you attempt to line up the balls for a break, and see the pathetic click and hardly moving balls despite the strength-o-meter being at the highest possible level, or later when you attempt to take a long shot on a perfectly positioned ball, the meter is unable to provide the strength necessary to pocket the ball.
The ball physics suck. I can’t even tell if it’s the “friction” on the table that’s causing this or a shitty mistake in the mechanics of the maths behind the ball movement.

The only time that the ball physics don’t suck is when I got bored with the game and started pelting all the balls full force and eventually managed to send the 8-ball flying off the table. I had a good giggle at the fact it could do that, and, and I was a little happier for a split second, then it happened. The next turn started, and the 8-ball didn’t reset, or come back at all. It was just gone. Keep on playing after that and the next turn around, *poof,* all the balls disappear from the table and the game is rendered unplayable.

If your game is going to have ball physics where things are hitting off each other at high speeds, things will fly into the air. Please, for fuck’s sake, put a damn invisible dome around the table to prevent balls from getting out.

Pros:

  • It looks like a billiards game, doesn’t look too cheap. (like all the graphics being made in Paint.)
  • No graphical or music issues or glitches.
  • Unexpected extra game mode (+1 point)
  • Doesn’t crash on load or during game.
  • Good cue sight (seeing where you’re firing the ball), some billiards games don’t give you that at all.

Cons:

  • You literally have to drag the cue across the table again and again and again to just get it to where you want to aim.
  • No option to turn off the cue sight, some people may want to play without the visual aide.
  • Balls have too much friction, or the maths just wrong?
  • Balls fly off into the sunset and never come back, thus breaking the game.

Price: £0.79
Time To Complete: N/A
Achievements: None
Cards: No
Worth The Money: No, despite being as cheap as it is. Just no.

Zesty Rating
1 Out Of 10
Boring, clunky, sticky and barely fun game of billiards. Not worth the spare change in your pocket, buy yourself a Freddo. The only redeeming thing about this game is that it looks the part, and it doesn’t randomly crash on you for no reason. 

Please bear in mind that this is a repost. There have been slight changes to the post such as spelling and grammar fixes, images added, and things generally organised in the fashion I'd like them presented.  Apart from that, the main context of the review has not changed, opinion has not been altered and everything is sacred. I look forward to writing for you all again.
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